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Why should I confess my sins? To be honest, I'm often not sure what's a sin and what isn't. Is it a sin to get angry? Sure, if I lose my temper and start swearing and screaming--that seems to be a sin. But feeling angry at someone who insults me--that's natural, isn't it? What's a sin anyway? Do I need to confess every temptation and passing thought?
And after all, doesn't God know my mistakes? He's supposed to know everything, right? I can't hide anything from him anyway, so why should I dredge up all that garbage from the past?
And to go to a priest and tell him all this stuff? Are you kidding me? My pastor's the last one I want to know all that embarrassing stuff! I've got to be on my best behavior in church. If anyone knew what went on in my life and in my mind, they would never speak to me again.
My mind gives me many reasons not to reveal my failings to someone else. Yet the wisdom of our elders tells us that revealing our darkest secrets to someone else is an important step in our spiritual journey.
A young man who wanted to join a monastery in the golden age of Egyptian monasticism had to spend a year under the guidance of an elder. In that year, the would-be monk was not to trust in his own judgment but was to reveal every thought and temptation to the elder. This was not some sadistic hazing, but practice in complete honesty and openness. Without transparency, no one can progress in the spiritual life. If temptations remain secret, they maintain their power over us.*
Honesty is like looking into the cellar. We may be frightened the first time we open the cellar door, but if we have someone else there with us, it's not so scary. When we open the door and turn on the light, we have a clear view of what spiders, insects, mice, and dust bunnies are there. With the help of a friend, and the grace of God, we can start to clean out the cellar little by little.
Those of us who wish to be freed from the hold that sinful thoughts and habits have over us benefit from frequently admitting our faults and temptations to someone we trust. Those who belong to a church that includes sacramental or regular confession have ready access to someone who will listen confidentially. Others may have to look harder for a friend or professional whom they can trust. Until we find someone we can confide in, we might try writing down our secrets in a journal, just to practice being honest and open. Psychologists and saints both recommend writing at times. Even if we confess formally at church, sometimes speaking to a trusted friend or writing in a journal may be helpful between confessions.
A young man who wanted to join a monastery in the golden age of Egyptian monasticism had to spend a year under the guidance of an elder. In that year, the would-be monk was not to trust in his own judgment but was to reveal every thought and temptation to the elder. This was not some sadistic hazing, but practice in complete honesty and openness. Without transparency, no one can progress in the spiritual life. If temptations remain secret, they maintain their power over us.*
Honesty is like looking into the cellar. We may be frightened the first time we open the cellar door, but if we have someone else there with us, it's not so scary. When we open the door and turn on the light, we have a clear view of what spiders, insects, mice, and dust bunnies are there. With the help of a friend, and the grace of God, we can start to clean out the cellar little by little.
Those of us who wish to be freed from the hold that sinful thoughts and habits have over us benefit from frequently admitting our faults and temptations to someone we trust. Those who belong to a church that includes sacramental or regular confession have ready access to someone who will listen confidentially. Others may have to look harder for a friend or professional whom they can trust. Until we find someone we can confide in, we might try writing down our secrets in a journal, just to practice being honest and open. Psychologists and saints both recommend writing at times. Even if we confess formally at church, sometimes speaking to a trusted friend or writing in a journal may be helpful between confessions.
If openness and honesty open the door to the fruits of the spirit, perhaps it's worth a little embarrassment. Time for confession?
*John Cassian, Institutes, 4. IX and XXXVII
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